As we slide into 2007!!!, greetings to all, merry christmas belated, and happy new year...
(on the "happy new year" score, I'm trying, I really am, but the thought that Star Wars and the Talking Heads came out 30 years ago is really doing my head in).
Would have gotten to you sooner but the internet's been down all over China courtesy of the earthquake in Taiwan. It's now been a week and slowly chipping away at my serenity. Meanwhile, Taiwan Telecom won't be building any additional backup or safeguards in the event of another catastrophe. Seems the measures already in place have far exceeded their expectations...
Back in Shanghai for new years eve, although today is the 1st and en lieu of the Rose Bowl I'm settling for a rice bowl with a fried egg on top.
(Go Trojans! you lame asses for losing to UCLA).
Was in Hong Kong celebrating the birth of baby Jesus in what might as well be his unofficial birthplace... If ever there's a place more Christmasy than Bethlehem or Shanghai, it's HK, all the way... I can still hear it jingling! And while JC is clearly lost on everyone -- aside from the occasional "monster-manger," framed in holly vines and 3-story candy cane (no doubt lifted from The Paul Bunyon Christmas Revue) -- Santa Clause would be proud to know that he's in every home, office, and taxi cab in town...
What is Christmas without wonderment... Flag day? Oscar night? Since I was a kid, never have I been more chuffed and filled with wonder than over here. Maybe laced with a little more cynicism but who's keeping tabs? (Hmmm... come to think of it, I did sign a document at the Chinese consulate in LA saying I would never write anything about China. But it was under duress, I swear... The people in line were all coughing, sneezing, and snotting all over the place. I would've signed anything!!)
But I'm digressing. Back to my wonderment...
For starters, I've never seen a capitalist horde like the one I saw in the streets of HK's Causeway Bay on Christmas Eve. Millions of people shopping, no exaggeration. The weird thing is - this wasn't the panicked hysteria of last minute shopping because it got much worse the following day... Apparently, Christmas Eve's for pedestrians, the real shoppers come out on Christmas day. The pedestrians come out too, but just to watch and learn. I've never seen more dollar waving conspicuous consumption in my life. (But then I've never been to the duty-free shop in Dubai just before Ramadan). As for the concentration of luxury brands, per square foot, the average Hong Kong street makes the great Faubourgs and Fifth Avenues of the world seem like Costco and K-Mart ...
HK also makes Shanghai (a boomtown by any standards) seem like a small sleepy village on the Yangtze. Even down to the counterfeit Rolexes and questionable cell phones (and did I mention "Sneaker Street"!?), it's mass consumerism on a truly massive scale. I can see how the Eastern Europeans must have cacked themselves at the sight of the Mongol hordes... Now clad in Gucci and armed with Louis Vuitton bags, it's still pretty scary stuff (unless you own shares in LVMH.)
Christmas dinner was no less surreal. HK's five star hotels are known for their holiday feasts, a "must go" for the local population who can afford to go, which is just about everyone... Of course it never occurred to us to make a reservation, so we ended up downstream (and only with the help of our tireless concierge) at a more dubious establishment -- a three star geared to foreign businessmen, mostly from Karachi and Khartoum among the other great citadels of industry and commerce.
I knew something was wrong as I was climbing the stairs to the restaurant. All I could hear was a loud racket. Not the dinny simulcast of 300+ conversations, but that obnoxious noise made by noise-makers -- yes, those cheap plastic things you shake and/or blow into. As it appeared we might have missed Christmas altogether and leaped frog into a new year's eve party (or worse), our collective reaction was a resounding -- "what the fuck'!?"
Apparently, some memos got crossed at this hotel, if not everywhere in HK. A veritable interoffice s.n.a.f.u between the "Christmas Dept;" their esteemed colleagues in "New Years;" and the guys over in "Saint Patrick's Day," (as evidenced by the kelly green leprechaun hats everyone was wearing). Meanwhile, those nutty nuts in "Luaus & Hula Parties" got in on the party as well -- adding some Hawaiian flower leis -- not just for colorful accents but to make sure all the world's time zones were covered...
In keeping with this unstoppable theme, every continent, culture, and sub-culture were amply represented at the buffet table... sushi, braised Korean short ribs, sundry unidentified meats, alien UFO vegetables, simmering vats of curries and lentils, pots of shark fin and duck bill noodle soup, ravioli, lasagna, quesadillas, and finally, last but not least -- the all-american roast turkey. But NO stuffing or mashed potatoes! Of course, this glaring absence elicited an uproar from our team, but the cook pointed to the sweet potato tempura and with an accent smothered in cantonese dialect, said -- "good for me, good for you." Can't really argue with that. Anyhow, the gravy helped...
For dessert there was nothing in the spirit of pumpkin pudding or apple pie (there was pumpkin soup, good too), but the head high chocolate fountain was definitely a huge hit... I've seen these before at convention receptions, but only with strawberries for dipping in their cascades of melted chocolate. In HK a simple selection of that variety would be considered anemic if not downright effeminate...
Surrounding our fountain was everything imaginable that could possibly be coated in chocolate. Aside from a selection of fresh fruits (including watermelon), there were dried fruits, nuts, toast, sliced breads, bread rolls, breadsticks, wooden sticks, marshmallows, candy, cookies, ice cream balls, cheese balls, mousse, mints, mice possibly, you name it, it was there. You could've left your shoes on the table and they'd have been seriously considered.
My last little observation (before I go to bed and get a life, in no particular order) was when the check came. In my limited experience, the check usually comes and the
waiter leaves, giving you some pause to contemplate and sort things out. Not here, the check comes and the waiter just stood there. And I mean right next to me. Hovering, smiling, but totally unsolicitous. Just nodding happily, waiting and watching intently as I drew my wallet. This peculiarity was mildly unnerving yet so ingenuous that it was actually charming. And that's when it finally dawned on me that the Chinese (and allow me to generalize, I'm good at it) have absolutely no sense of personal space...
As if being hip-checked and elbowed by old ladies wasn't enough of a sign, I realized that there were no such thing as boundaries over here. In the province of trivial things, boundaries are for livestock, journalists, and the world wide web (intellectuals are simply banished). Boundaries are not for people, so lest I embrace it and why not... 1.5 billion Chinese can't be wrong.
In closing I'd like to make a quick (well, slightly long winded) disclaimer. I've only been over here a short time so my observations and insights are admittedly naive and superficial. Certainly any bold conclusions I've come to are half baked at best. But so what!? No doubt, there are many tweedy ex-Pats over here -- we all know the types: former students of Chinese history at liberal art colleges, weened on American milk and cookies but now steeped in Mao's urine, and insanely good with chop sticks -- who would tell me that I've completely missed the boat... that I've completely missed all the nuances and ironies woven into the delicate fabric of Chinese culture. To which I have no argument. Lots of things get by me... in fact, I've missed many a flight while sitting around, picking at peanuts, watching TV in the airport.
Also, if I've failed to mention the truly great things about Asia (of which there are very many!!), go to the book store, it's all there in the travel section... in spades! But all I will say is that my impressions are my own from which I'll extrapolate whatever the hell I want. However, what I can see empirically is that this place rocks but the music sucks (a yin-yang thing I suspect, but you'd have to ask Tweedy the beard stroker). Try not to wear brand new white sneakers because a bicyclist will run over them. And always wash your hands, just don't expect to dry them, there's not a functioning paper towel dispenser or Sani-dryer in this whole damn country. At least I couldn't find one...
Love and Happiness...
L
